Becky's son? That is the fattest kid I have ever seen.

Go easy on him, he's got a hamdular problem.

What's that Black Crowes song I always get stuck in my head, but don't know the words to?

Oh, you mean "Hard to Hamdle"? That's actually an Otis Redding tune.

At a record store in the 70's:

Hotpants: Dude, Wings totally rocks!! That new single is so catchy, but I can't understand the chorus lyric!!!

Bellbottoms: Yeah, Hotpants. McCartney vocals are slurrier than Michael Stipe's--

Hotpants: Who?

Bellbottoms: Uh. Oh. Just never you mind.

(Bellbottoms pulls out a portable lava lamp and erases Hotpants' memory)

Bellbottoms: Yeah, he's singing "Ham on the run. HAMMM ON THE RUN. Haaaaam on the run."

Hotpants: Who are you? Where ham I?

Shadrach's a con-artist!

And I fell for his smooth moves ham, line, and sinker.

Please get a haircut, dear, it's turning into a mullet.

No, I gain strength from my hair, like Hamson...and you are my Delilah.

Why in God's name do you have 2 gallons of mayonnaise?

I said I was just going to Costco for the free hamples, but once you're there, who can say no?

I just can't seal the deal with this girl!

You gotta drop the quiet storm on her. It's all about the slow hams, bro.

Tim Russert is calling it "the biggest political upset in modern political history, no doubt about it!"

(He's talking about the Democrats, in New Hamshire.)

What's your email address?

Um, I think it's like Ham@hamsham.org/ham?